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Some more suggestions for the College...

Seeing as how recent columns of mine on the Opinions page have been denounced, you may be wondering why I'm still writing for the Record. While at first I contemplated not writing for the Record anymore, I realize now that my opinion is an integral part of campus debate. And so, yet again, I am writing to offer my view on pertinent campus issues. If you don't like it, write a Letter to the Editor.

Dining Services Names

Looking at this week's menu, I was delighted to see the introduction of Aunt Vickie's Brisket with Gravy. Now I don't have an Aunt Vickie nor do I know what a brisket is, but the dish had an interesting enough name so that I decided to try it. Unfortunately, however, the dish, like most other dishes in the Williams College Dining Services, didn't live up to its name.

In fact, that's the main problem with Dining Services. They spend all their time coming up with great names for all these dishes seemingly at the expense of making these meals actually edible. Ask anyone who's eaten the Tomato Tiger, Egg McWilliams, Chicken Bob Marley, Voodoo Chicken, Whoopee Pie, Copycat Chicken, or, my personal favorite, Chicken Adobo Mojo. Every time I come into the dining hall, I expect this great meal only to see that meal live down to its expectations.

While I and most other students at this school certainly enjoy some of these names, I think that Dining Services clearly needs to spend a little bit less time devising names and instead coming up with better lunches. God knows, we haven't had a good lunch in a long, long time.

P.E. Credits for Tyler Residents

When thinking about dining services, I couldn't help but thinking about people who live in Tyler and how they inevitably burn off whatever they ate for dinner simply by walking back to their dorms. Contrary to what the Housing Office may say, Tyler Annex is in Vermont.

Seeing as how Tyler residents have to cross state lines every time they go to class or get connected with the rest of the Williams campus, why is it that they have to take P.E. classes like the rest of the campus? Just by walking to and from their dorms every night, these residents get more exercise than all those students in P.E. Considering such sad realities, why is it that residents of Tyler aren't afforded P.E. credits for all the walking they must undergo to and from Bennington?

The college should hereby grant two P.E. credits per semester to each resident of Tyler. This does more than just equal the playing field for Tyler residents. This also gives the Housing Dept. a chance to convince students why they should request Tyler during the housing draw. All those people lacking P.E. credits would rank Tyler first among their housing preferences and the Housing Dept. wouldn't face the unfortunate prospect of having to assign students to their least preferred pick.

Changing the Mascot

Now I know this will provoke some responses, but what is the possibility of changing the mascot of Williams? I like the friendly purple cow and everything, but is a cow really the mascot we want for our sports teams?

When I think of a sports team, I think of power, speed, and agility. Suffice to say, when I think of these things, I don't think of a bovine animal. Moreover, I think the cow only reinforces the agrarian image we already have at this school. That is why I feel we should change the school mascot to a lifelike replica of the original Eph: Ephraim Williams. Ephraim Williams is a cross between Yosemite Sam and George Washington. Imagine the boundless possibilities of having a mascot that is a cross between the founder of our country and one of our favorite cartoon characters.

This would also better represent the college and its sports teams. Ephraim Williams represents the power of our sports teams and his revolutionary roots reflect the history of the college. Here's the best part: Ephraim vs. the Lord Jeff. Case closed.

Before leaving, I would like to take this opportunity to ask all those who felt a classic dining services name was left off, thought another dorm's residents were deserving of P.E. credits, or had a better idea for the mascot to respond back to features-@record. williams.edu with their suggestions. If the responses are good, we at the Record will run them next week.

Until then, buh-bye.